10:48pm, Monday, October 01, 2007

We do things and live our lives according to what God has planned for us. We raise our family not because of other people’s decision. We have kids not because a friend we know have already one. One time, I was telling a friend I was pregnant again. It so happened that one of our couple friends had two kids already. He asked me nonchalantly, “Are you guys competing?” I was baffled, befuddled. Speechless. Didn’t know how to respond. Didn’t know what to say. So I asked him back, is having kids a competition? I couldn’t forget that day when he asked me about competing to have kids.

Having kids is not a competition. It is to our own convenience (or inconvenience). It’s according to our life’s situation, our finances, our principles and beliefs, and most of all, according to what God had planned for us.

Before getting married, Peter and I talked and considered having 4 kids when we get married. Also, we decided to wait for 2 years before having our first. But God had a different plan for us. After we got married, the great desire to have kids set in our hearts. We also realized we were not that young to wait for one year, what more with two. So after two months of marriage, we decided to stop our birth control plan and started making our first baby. I got pregnant straight away!

When Peter told one of his friends, she was surprised. She said, you’re barely a husband and you’re becoming a father already?” Once again, I was befuddled. Why… tell me… do you stop being a husband when you become a father already?

After our fist baby came out, I had a hard time transitioning from not having a baby to having one; from going out with my hubby a lot to staying at home coz I had a baby to think of. So I thought probably one was enough. I tell you, every time I saw pregnant women, I would tell myself or Peter what a hard future they’re going to have! They didn’t know what they’d go through once the baby came out! Can you believe that? But when Schenker (my first one) turned one year old, the desire to have another baby came in again. So Peter and I talked about it, planned when to have our second. We thought two years of age gap would be fine.

There are of course pros and cons of different age gaps. But then again, it is according to one’s situation, financially and availability wise. I didn’t want to give birth to babies and give the responsibility to others to raise them. Of course, we have different priorities. Others have to work to provide finances for the family to thrive.

Too many principles, too many reasons… This I know for sure, that when we raise our family, when we decide how many kids we have and what age gaps they should have, we do it suit our situation. We don’t get pregnant just because our friend or someone we know is pregnant!

Life is not a competition.

My son has been showing potty readiness this past one week! Hurray! It has been a long time since I wanted to potty train him, but he seemed not ready yet until at least early this week. He told me he wanted to wee-wee in the bathroom. That’s a real good sign that he’s all ready to be trained!

I actually planned to train him last year, when he was turning 2 coz I thought he was old enough to do so. But his pediatrician told me to delay the training coz I was pregnant and gonna give birth that time. She said that if I started training him, when the new baby comes, there’s a risk that we were going to start the process all over again.

I’m glad I listened. Otherwise, I’ll just get frustrated.

So, when actually is the right time to potty train them kids? Our oldies would say that we can start potty training even as young as 6 months!Age is one factor to consider to start potty training. However, age is not enough to consider. According to this source there’s physiological, psychological and physical factors to be considered.

Phsysiological readiness means the child can control his bladder. I noticed that today, when my son asked me to go with him to the bathroom coz he wanna wee-wee, i saw that the nappy was still dry. And the last time I changed his nappy was like more than 2 hours ago already.
This also means that a child must be willing! Willing to sit on the potty - when we bought our son’s potty, and we told him it was going to be his potty and he was going to do his “job” there, he refused to sit on it. Let alone touch it!

Psychological readiness means the child is able to recognize that he’s doing it (wee-wee or void). I think the fact that he asked me he wanted to wee-wee was a sign that he’s ready psychologically. Also, if the child is aware that he’s doing it, then he’s ready. My boy used to not care even if he has done it already. Let mommy smell it and it’s good enough! Now, he complains when he did it already. “Mommy, I wanna change nappy.”

Physical readiness means the child can walk to and out of the bathroom, can sit, and pull his pants up and down. Now, I wonder how mothers can train a child who’s not physically ready yet. I’m sure they had a very tough time, they had to carry and do everything for the child. Maybe, if I was willing to do all this for my son when he was not walking yet, probably I would have one difficult time, with my bulging tummy and all that! Kudos to mothers who sacrificially do all these for their kids!

Things to remember when we start training our kids to potty is never to push them to do it. The more we push, the more they resist, and all the more it will be so frustrating for mothers. Also, when they show readiness and tell you they wanna do it, acknowledge it and give him praises. This way, it will encourage him more to tell us when he’s ready to go. Also, we need ot be really consistent and patient in the process.

Last but not the least, when it comes to potty, we not only check whether our child is ready or not, we also check ourselves whether we are ready or not because if we’re not ready, we’ll just contribute to the stress in the process. Both child and the mother (or whoever is training the child), must be ready. This way, we will be assured of smooth and successful result!
I hope I’ll be patient and consistent enough to go through this with him. It will be a lot of help if he is potty trained already, at least financially wise… no need to add the nappy cost in the budget!

I am a stay at home mom (by choice) and I am proud of it. :) I used to work back when I was single, and loved it. But I told myself, once I get married, I wanna stay at home. There are many reasons why:

1. i can personally take care of my kids. it's great to be able to follow (with my own two eyes) their developments and milestones and not just make an assumption that they can do this and that. also, nowadays, it's difficult to leave your kids in the care of other people. they will be influenced according to how that nanny lives her lifestyle. also, if there are other kids around, the kids can get naughty faster. i see a lot of kids they haven't even reached the age of two yet but they are already on the terrible-two age. that's very sad. moms who work at this stage can just close their eyes in that kind of situation coz they have no other choice but to send their kids to other people's care.
2. i can personally take care of my hubby. :)
3. never mind about the finances... as long as we have enough to live day by day... it's alright. We never go hungry anyway, unless we choose not to eat coz we wanna diet. and besides, God is taking care of our daily needs... and our wants from time to time. :P
4. i wanna be the best mother to my kids and the best wife to my hubby. if i work, then my attention will be divided being at work and being with my family. that's what we call "family comes first."
5. less stress. you only serve the husband and kids.
6. it's not only an old thing to stay at home. i know a lot of friends now, once they give birth, they quit their work just to take care of the baby. i admire them for that. it really takes sacrifice to do that. sacrifice their own career, sacrifice their own ambition just for the kids. now that's what i call real "mothers."
7. it has been proved: breastfmilk is best for babies.. and the longer you breasfeed, the better. if i work out of the house, probably the longest time I could breastfeed would be six months... knowing it's hard to maintain breastmilk supply when you only pump at day time and breastfeed at night time. breastfeeding is also a sacrifice. the clothes you wear are limited. cannot just wear anything you like. it must be comfortable to be able to breastfeed anytime, anywhere. this is just one of the cons being a SAHM.
8. when you stay at home, there's some kind of rewarding feeling... especially when you see your kids grow up.
9. the first 3 years is the formative years. a lot of interaction is needed to be able to cultivate young kids so that they can be the best that they can be. i am happy that i am the one who interacts with them daily...

well, SAHM also needs a break. coz too much spending time at home could very well effect the person. that's why i am going back to my family in the Philippines!!! Wooo hooo! I can finally take a rest there, knowing that even if i leave my kids to my family, i know that they are well taken care of. :)

so these are merely my opinion now. i might wanna go back to work once the kids are grown up already. when they do, it's another story. :)

i know it's not easy to be one, but congratulations to all SAHM

He's a tease, a charmer
Very friendly, can make one feel comfortable easily
People are drawn to him
Who's this guy?


I met him eye to eye
He took us to dinner
No chemistry, nothing special
I was intrigued, Who was this guy?


I went back home
Sent him a message
Thanked him for everything
Sure, you're welcome, he said.


Who was this guy, I wanted to know
He used to tease, and yet aloof
I teased him back
He opened up.


We became friends
Shared goals, shared jokes
Until we found out,
We share the same birthdate!

That triggered "it"
Common things discovered
The more we shared, the more we felt
From friendship, love blossomed.

We became one
Now we're four.
Who is this guy?
Shankar, my love, no other.

My 2 year 9 month old son just asked me: "Mommy, what happened to you?" I said why? What happened to me? "Your leg broke?" I looked at my legs. They looked the same. I asked him: Show me where? And he pointed to my ankle bone... and the callous there.

Sigh... my son has finally noticed it. I wonder... if my son has... other people would have noticed as well. Shame. I wonder how to get rid of it.

Ideas, anyone?